5 Things the Media Hasn't Told You About Scarecrow Face

Let's face it, everyone is talking about scarecrow face. Unless you've been constantly submerged in ice water for the past 2 weeks you'd know that scarecrow face is all the rage right now and here are some things that might just blow your mind about scarecrow face after the jump. Here is the jump. Get ready for the jump.

Wait there is no jump just scroll down. The word: 'jump' looks weird now.

1. Scarecrow faces are stuffed with arcane hay(blu-hay).

Image Source: Blu-hay.com

That's right, magic hay. How else would these mobile constructs be able to not have floppy heads? The answer might surprise you if you haven't already read the heading above this short paragraph: arcane hay.
Monsanto's brand of the stuff is called blu-hay.  It is believed that it is manufactured by cabalist farmers in an attempt to hide their agendas from the public. Tirelessly invocating, evocating, and incantating to make the most powerful arcane hay this side of the cosmos in order to give rise to the Straw Army. Ultimately paving the way for their Lord from Beyond the Field, Ol' Void Neck the Corncrow and his ward Huskers.  So be on the watch out!

2. Scarecrow faces are animated by religious residue.

People, we might as well start calling Sundays (as well as other days of religious worship): "Scarecrow Facedays." The writing is on the wall here! Obviously scarecrow apologist-demonologists are taking their scarecrows into their chosen places/sigils of worship so that the scarecrow faces are able to draw in religious residue and animate into generally creepy moving burlap heads. It's all some sort of secular conspiracy to allow for these monstrosities to roam outside the fields unfettered and spread the word of Straw. Well, the first step is to report anyone you may suspect as a scarecrow supporter to your local hobo scholar. He or she will know what to do.


3. In the shot where scarecrow faces scream, bugs will fall out.

This one is pretty self explanatory. There is usually one scene where the production blows 3% of the budget on a bug-based gross-out effect. It'll either be hissing cockroaches, meal-worms, and other common stage bugs that spill out of the scarecrow's face with a bug-rights advocate standing by to make sure none of these glorious working-class insects are destroyed in the name of film. Bugs are actors too. I'm not being sarcastic, these chattering bug beings deserve the right to exist, take their part in the capitalistic effort, and the freedom to be NOT confined inside a scarecrow head. They do love chomping that arcane hay though, so I say let them have it!

4. Scarecrow faces are better actors than Jason Patric .

See below:

They also commonly love reciting poetry and eastern philosophy.

5. Scarecrow faces do not really scare crows.

 Alright folks, this last one is a real banger so you might want to sit down if you have a standing desk. Crows love scarecrow faces like crazy. They are called scarecrows yet they don't scare crows at all! That'd be like someone being called one thing and being not that thing! Or someone saying one thing when they in fact mean the opposite. Scarecrow faces are just faces, that happen to be made of burlap, arcane hay, buttons, and maybe some bugs are inside. The picture above shows a crow screaming in delight not in fright, so it's true forever. Don't believe the hype! Yes animated scarecrows will still murder all humans and/or adventurers that have encroached upon their turf all the same but all the while crow will be like: "We are going just do what we do unhindered by this crucified, farmer's effigy." Crows are as smart as a two year old so they could potentially articulate something to that effect, especially these days.


In summation, scarecrow face.




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